Lump Discrimination
A thought occurred to me while preparing my oatmeal this morning. I don't typically eat oatmeal here because it's expensive, but I do eat quite a bit of farina (like Malt-O-Meal or Cream of Wheat) because you get bucketsful for cheap.
Now the thing about farina is that you can really wear yourself out trying to beat out the lumps. We mix and mix because we want our farina smooth.
But oatmeal's different. We don't mind as much if our oatmeal has some "texture." In fact , if someone served me smooth oatmeal I think I'd leave. So what's the fuss over lumpy farina? It seems to me that this is lumpist thinking. Bigotry has no place at the breakfast table.
After all, what are those farina lumps except farina? But, for many people, awareness of this fact is not enough to overcome their lumpism. You may have been raised by lumpist parents. If so, you might try throwing in nuts and raisins and whatever else sounds good to sort of chunk up your cereal. That way the farina lumps won't stand out so much.
The point is that we should be neutral in our initial assessment of lumps. Take the little lump wife recently found in her belly. Given a few months and God's good graces, that little lump'll be a little person. For now, we'll call it lumpy-wumpy in order to distinguish it from farina lumps, or any other mass of congealed material. It is also widely recognized that adding "y" to the end of a word makes you fall in love with it and so a skunk is to be avoided, but you might very well pet a skunky.
We're very happy about this. Babies are fun and they go over real big here in Jordan. I've talked to lots of cab drivers, not a few of which claim having 5, 10, or even 15 kids- and they all want more. "A house without a baby is a problem," says one cabbie. When wife was real little, she was a bridesmaid or flower-girl or some such at her aunt's wedding. Now this same aunt has tons of kids, the youngest of which is younger than our kids. They love babies here.
This has it's downside. God have mercy on the woman who doesn't have a baby to show nine months after her wedding night. The idea that a couple might want to wait a bit before having kids is totally foreign, and will only sound like a really sad attempt to mask the fact that in reality the new bride is barren and sterile, her uterus having been flipped inside-out from riding too many ponies in her youth. If she goes so far as to defend her reproductive capabilities, she will only succeed in shifting attention to her husband who will be advised to move to Italy where he might sing with the rest of the castrati.
Already potential names are being discussed. Wife, when not vomiting, will ask, "What should we name it?"
"I don't know."
"You don't love our baby [vomit]!"
5y has taken to calling her pending sibling Kissy-Bear. This is nicer than lumpy-wumpy, and it has the requisite "y," so Kissy-Bear it will be until further notice. While we aren't certain what we'll call it after it's born, we have ruled out the following two names:
Skyler Chase
Kaitlyn Mackenzie
Besides those, pretty much anything goes. What do you think we should call it?
Now the thing about farina is that you can really wear yourself out trying to beat out the lumps. We mix and mix because we want our farina smooth.
But oatmeal's different. We don't mind as much if our oatmeal has some "texture." In fact , if someone served me smooth oatmeal I think I'd leave. So what's the fuss over lumpy farina? It seems to me that this is lumpist thinking. Bigotry has no place at the breakfast table.
After all, what are those farina lumps except farina? But, for many people, awareness of this fact is not enough to overcome their lumpism. You may have been raised by lumpist parents. If so, you might try throwing in nuts and raisins and whatever else sounds good to sort of chunk up your cereal. That way the farina lumps won't stand out so much.
The point is that we should be neutral in our initial assessment of lumps. Take the little lump wife recently found in her belly. Given a few months and God's good graces, that little lump'll be a little person. For now, we'll call it lumpy-wumpy in order to distinguish it from farina lumps, or any other mass of congealed material. It is also widely recognized that adding "y" to the end of a word makes you fall in love with it and so a skunk is to be avoided, but you might very well pet a skunky.
We're very happy about this. Babies are fun and they go over real big here in Jordan. I've talked to lots of cab drivers, not a few of which claim having 5, 10, or even 15 kids- and they all want more. "A house without a baby is a problem," says one cabbie. When wife was real little, she was a bridesmaid or flower-girl or some such at her aunt's wedding. Now this same aunt has tons of kids, the youngest of which is younger than our kids. They love babies here.
This has it's downside. God have mercy on the woman who doesn't have a baby to show nine months after her wedding night. The idea that a couple might want to wait a bit before having kids is totally foreign, and will only sound like a really sad attempt to mask the fact that in reality the new bride is barren and sterile, her uterus having been flipped inside-out from riding too many ponies in her youth. If she goes so far as to defend her reproductive capabilities, she will only succeed in shifting attention to her husband who will be advised to move to Italy where he might sing with the rest of the castrati.
Already potential names are being discussed. Wife, when not vomiting, will ask, "What should we name it?"
"I don't know."
"You don't love our baby [vomit]!"
5y has taken to calling her pending sibling Kissy-Bear. This is nicer than lumpy-wumpy, and it has the requisite "y," so Kissy-Bear it will be until further notice. While we aren't certain what we'll call it after it's born, we have ruled out the following two names:
Skyler Chase
Kaitlyn Mackenzie
Besides those, pretty much anything goes. What do you think we should call it?
posted by P-Tribe @ 2:46 AM
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